Can you ever break away?
by apple6
Summary: After leaving Roundview Naomi went to London and Emily stayed at home, but what happened then? This is set a year and half later and the consequences of Emily's previous secret visit to Goldsmiths are resurfacing...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: A look at post- Roundview to see where Naomi and Emily have got – and whether they have a future together.**

**Naomi is in her second year at Goldsmiths having made the break from Bristol, rarely going back after her split with Emily. She's moved into a house with three girls from her English group and all seems to be fine until she gets a disturbing text from Katie!**

_dont ignore this naomi. emilys not well and you know why. were really worried and youve got to help – you owe it to her_

Naomi stared at her phone half imagining it as some joke –then realising that no one else at Goldsmiths knew about her past in Bristol let alone what had happened 16 month ago in her first term. She knew it would never work – a long distance relationship with someone who was content to stay at home with their parents when there was a whole new world of ideas to explore at uni. Then she had relented and Emily had come down to London to see her – secretly – was she ashamed of Emily in front her new friends? It all seemed so long ago now – she had tried to forget, yet guilt at the way she had treated Emily kept rearing up and now…

Christ – what do I have to do here? That bitch Katie won't leave this alone. What is she expecting me to do – go to Bristol? See Emily down here? These thoughts raced through Naomi's head as her tutor drew the seminar on Madame Bovary to a close.

"If you could do something on Emma's dilemma that I referred to – next Monday would be good. Oh, and Naomi could I have a word please."

Oh shit, what does he want? Naomi's thoughts went back to Kieran at Roundview when he had kissed her – why did she attract these pathetic creeps - couldn't they spot she was gay? What did she have to do – shag a girl in front of him or what?

"You seemed a bit preoccupied at the moment Naomi – not like you at all – is everything OK? You're usually so alive in these sessions – I rely on you to keep things moving, no one else does."

"Well actually Chris if you must know my period's due soon and I feel rather crap – shall I tell you about it?"

"Err no, I'm err sorry, err sorry hope you feel better."

Naomi could feel the heat from his face as he turned away.

Well that worked didn't it mused Naomi as she gathered up her things and made her way out towards the refectory.

"Hi Beth, are you staying?" Naomi put her tray down and flopped onto the seat beside her closest friend – a beautiful, but sadly straight petite blonde who she had met on her first day in Freshers Week all that time ago. Even Beth didn't know about Emily, but who else could she confide in? Of course she had come out a long time ago and openly declared it at Goldsmiths – but some things….

"Heh, you look like Monday rather than Friday Naomi – what's up?"

"Oh, some stuff from back home that's bugging me – I thought I'd be safe from that here – but, heh, that's the magic of a mobile isn't it!"

"Tell me about it – no I really mean that – is it your mum again – is she still with Kieran?"

"Yeh, they're still at it all the time, no, its some other things that I'd thought I'd left behind. It was meant to be a new start but then you can never quite let go of some things and then they just nag away at you demanding your attention at all the wrong times."

"Well I'm good at listening as you know – and I'm not going to jump on you to console you am I?"

"Well that would be rather nice, if you ever did fancy a bit of a break from shagging Dave…"

They dissolved into laughter.

"So come on, tell me what's up, you know I'm not going to let this go."

Christ, Katie and now Beth. Well it wasn't hard to decide which one was going to be a softer shoulder – that bitch Katie was never going to hear the truth from her – she would only use it against her some time in the future. Whereas Beth was so into Dave that she could give a pretty unbiased opinion on something and then leave it – just what you wanted at times like this. Or was it?

Naomi hesitated. Then decided.

"I need a bit of time to sort that lot out" said Beth, as Naomi finished telling her about the whole sad (her word) story – the quiet drink in the bar away from uni., the completely unexpected arrival of four of her English group, her lies about her being her cousin when Emily was at the bar, the confusion when Emily had tried to kiss her and the ensuing argument outside that led to words that would forever be thrown at her –"you wouldn't fit in here Emily, honestly, you would feel outside it all."

"So that's it. Now you know the real me don't you. A real shit when it suits me. Wrecking someone's life because I didn't appreciate what was important. She was a lovely caring person and I just chucked her away like an old sock or something because I thought my new friends here would look down on her. What's worse is that Laura said later that she was really nice and not like some of the pretentious twats at Goldsmiths. Christ Beth – and now the text from Katie bloody Fitch!"

"Do you actually know what's wrong with her Naomi – you said Katie hadn't been very clear."

"I've a fair idea that if katie's blaming me it's not going to be appendicitis is it? I'm going to have to find out – I'll text mum to see if she's heard anything."

Ten minutes later Naomi's phone bleeped with a text from her mother.

_So nice to hear from you darling, though some news would have been nice. Emily's suffering from depression but I don't know any more – when did you last see her? Kieran sends his love. Mum_

"Well," said Beth, "does that make you feel better or worse?"

If Naomi had not had her back to her, Beth would have seen tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

** Please review - it means so much and helps me to improve my writing. Thank you dear reader!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well you probably guessed that Naomi would travel west to Bristol despite severe misgivings and a sense that digging up the past would be dangerous and threaten her peace of mind, but then doesn't your heart usually rule your dispassionate judgement? I sort of know where this is going but to me writing is exciting because like walking down the street – you never know quite what is going to happen!**

The back gardens of the shabby terraced houses that bordered the railway line gave a poor impression of London to any first–time visitor Naomi thought. But she knew London well and almost felt it was her real home and that she was no longer living in Bristol with its provincial attitudes and difficult memories. She was just visiting wasn't she? Purely out of some kind of duty? Go, and run back to the safety of Goldsmiths and the anonymity that it afforded.

The train picked up speed and settled into a hypnotic rhythm that shifted Naomi's focus from the present to the last time she had travelled on this line. That fateful day so long ago after her Open Day visit – the day she had met Sophia Moore. What had happened* changed everything and touched so many people – yet she felt somehow distant from that now as though the move to London had left part of her behind. Would returning awaken those feelings of guilt? She had told herself to concentrate on the present and what lay ahead in Bristol and put the past in a box never to be opened.

In the seat opposite Beth finished texting and put her phone on the table.

When her mother had sent money for the train fare she had half decided to go on Megabus as usual. But then Beth said she was at a loose end, Dave being on a football trip, and the company of her best friend was more than welcome. Very rarely did she get a chance to be with Beth without some distraction or other and she decided to pursue something that had been on her mind for some time.

"So where's Dave playing this weekend then?"

"No idea, he just goes off and comes back with the usual hangover the next day and bruises on his legs. He rarely says anything about the trip – probably be boring stuff about their crap goalkeeper or something like that anyway. However last time something quite funny happened. Dave said he was in the shower after the game and he noticed this guy – new in the team- sort of looking at him. Well Dave said blokes never look at each other in the shower just chuck banter around. He said it really spooked him. I'm sure he isn't homophobic but he said the thought of looking at a guy like that or even touching him really made him feel sick. I was really interested – blokes don't often talk about things like that – Dave certainly doesn't – and I thought how we are so different from them."

"What do you mean, that you like looking at blokes in the shower!"

"Well I would do given the chance but they've plastered up the hole I made between the girls' changing room and the guys'."

Naomi's snort of laughter turned a few heads to look their way.

"No, seriously, I mean I don't feel like that about girls – it doesn't make me feel like Dave did when I look at naked girls, in fact I sort of supposed that he felt like me. It has never occurred to me that straight blokes are like that, yet straight girls aren't."

Oh really, thought Naomi. Not that she knew exactly what straight girls felt like – but her experience of what Katie had said to Emily in the past made her feel that something was not quite as she thought it was.

Looking back on this moment she was to wonder why train journeys had been times when normal life was suspended and unreal things happen. Things that alter the course of your life. Was it because you were still - and the real world was rushing by and couldn't affect you?

"Well, I am a bit biased being gay, I suppose," suggested Naomi with a broad grin. "Give me naked girls anytime! So anyway Beth how's it going with him then, you two look like a married couple whenever I see you together."

"I don't really know to be honest, he's my first real boyfriend – rural Norfolk was a bit of a desert you know and I suppose I went a bit mad in that first week."

"Err, yes you did slightly," said Naomi laughing at the memory.

" We sort of shag and then he goes off to do his lab. work comes back and we go at it again. To be honest Naomi it's all beginning to feel a bit empty – we don't really seem to ever really talk. When things aren't going well I don't seem to be able to communicate with him – he doesn't seem to want to listen – rather just give me suggestions as to what to do. I just want him to listen better."

Thoughts were racing through Naomi's mind when Beth broke in.

"And you, anyone new on the horizon? Have you got over that Russian girl yet – does she write to you at all?"

"Well it wasn't that serious and I've no intention of going to Leningrad to find out – her dad sounded well scary after stopping her tuition fees and all that."

"Yeah better off out of that one I suppose."

"Christ Naomi, we're a right pair aren't we – anyone eaves-dropping would want to slit their wrists wouldn't they!"

Naomi resumed her whirling thoughts. There's a gorgeous blonde in front of me who could well be bi or is she just a bit naïve and confused? There's me going to see my ex who's in a right state apparently and I'm on a train - that should be prompting me to be beware after that time with Sophia. Follow your head or your heart Naomi? What worked in the past?

The guard's announcement broke into her thoughts and she looked across at Beth.

*I wrote 'Telling the truth love on a train' (currently story no. 1136) to try to work out what really happened between Naomi and Sophia.

**Please review - the feedback keeps me going even if it is how to improve my writing. Just a few words will do! **


End file.
